Wonderful Spam, Marvelous Spam!

Search YouTube for Monty Python’s SPAM skit…

 

In case you are wondering where I have been, I have now fully recovered from Gatlinburg. The most interesting thing about Gatlinburg was NOT in fact the free moonshine, although that was incredibly nice. Nor was it the collections of hikers in various states of hiker-funk (also known as “swamp ass”). Nope, the most interesting part of the trip was the return home.

GPS units will never cease to amaze me. You have to figure if it takes you somewhere one way, that it will return you in much the same fashion. However, routinely they pick a completely DIFFERENT route for the return trip. So, on the way THERE we go up I40 into Tennessee, then along Hwy 339, the foothills parkway. Its a fun road, very much like the Blue Ridge Parkway, albeit shorter. Coming home the crazy crackhead tells us to turn early. Only having been this way once in 20 years, I followed her directions, ASSUMING that she knows what the hell she is talking about. If you want to follow along on the google maps, we turned onto highway 32, NOT 339. So we wind up up up the side of some mountain, going through the Great Smokey Mountains National Park. At one point she says “turn left here”, and we look down the side of the damn mountain at the gravelly forest service road I would only attempt with a bulldozer. so we travelled onward, eventually running out onto gravel roads (although somewhat flat), and then finally we are suddenly dumped into civilization, cross a river, and we’re on the interstate. Going up the ramp I see a lone hiker taking the Appalachian Trail route under the highway, gave him a honk and a “whoop”, and watched him raise his hiking pole in acknowledgment.

I wondered for a long time what sort of adventures he was off to, where he had come from, and how long he had been at it. Then I was sad and depressed, as I haven’t been anywhere in a little while, and my out of shape self hadn’t exercised in a week, except walking up and down the two block hill to my hotel. My diet had even suffered. Try sitting all day and eating three meals at chain restaurants. I felt bloated as a pus-filled boil, ready to pop and spew foul smelling viscous…never mind, that metaphor was getting gross.

So, any way, back to reality and checking 178 emails at work, and then I got this little doozy at home. I had a mysterious offer for “a second job” from someone I’ve never heard from or met. Obviously some scam, but hey, why not have some fun with it?

letter1

Okay, so I established that sure, I WOULD like a second job. And of course, what job would anyone want? Porn director! The funny thing was, they didn’t recognize the joke. They didn’t bat an EYE.

So, they wrote back, strangely enough from a completely DIFFERENT email:

letter2

Oooh – $4200 a month processing payments? Well now I know its a scam, but they didn’t break stride at all. Unfortunately, I didn’t carry on with it. I could have gone back and forth a few times more, probably. “What, you don’t have ANYTHING involving naked people? What about me, can I work naked?” And on et merda.

But, I let it go. Spam is fun, however, and I encourage anyone to give a go at screwing with these people. Why not make their lives a bit more interesting?

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Author: theosus1

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