So, if you have read this blog for any length of time, then you know our family likes to go to Disney World. Sometimes I feel like I am paying Minnie Mouse Alimony or something, it seems there is always a Disney bill to pay…
But, we enjoy it. Being the “planning type” we get all the fun of planning the trip, then booking (six months ahead) and then planning food and such. How many other vacations require you to know where you want to eat six months out? Not many.
It’s an anal-retentive planner’s dream come true. So a few months ago we decided to attend the “food and wine festival”, combined with “Mickey’s not so scary halloween party”.
Hey, if Wal-Mart can put up x-mass stuff this early, we can certainly do Halloween in September.
I immediately learned several things about both events. The Food and Wine festival is a chance to experience new tastes and try new things, and learn all about various food-related stuff. It also effectively doubles the number of various countries where someone can “drink around the world”. So, if you are an alcoholic looking for a true challenge, bring your score card and a bunch of friends, and try to drink your way around EPCOT.
I had one drink, the Scotland booth’s “Glenfidditch Scotch Flight”, consisting of three little plastic cups of 12, 15, and 18 year old scotch. I tell you right now, after the twelve year old scotch, my taste buds were numb and the 15 and 18 year old tasted the same. After that one “drink” – I was happy for about an hour. I can’t imagine doing that 17 more times around the pond. But, from the tailgating attitudes and drunken revelry we were immersed in, it seems a lot of people were trying to make it work.
Everyone remembers the fun of dressing up for halloween. At least, you did if your parents weren’t total religious nuts who thought Halloween was evil, because of insane devotion to a book of myths. Mine, thankfully, were not, and we got to dress up and go about like homeless bums begging for change.
Disney likes to make money, and so the Halloween party is a separate ticketed event from 4pm until midnight. You can go into the park in the morning is you have a regular ticket, but at 7pm you get herded out. I wondered how they did it, but they are very effiicient. They set up ropes and workers at various choke points. from 4 to 7 the day guests and the halloweeners mile, but after 7, if you don’t have a wrist band, you can’t get on any rides or go in any stores. once you are past a particular choke point, you can’t go back, so essentially you get herded out the front gate by your own movement around the park. However, there are certain advantages to this, one being really short lines.
Ever ride space mountain without a Fast Pass? How’s that hour wait working for you?
We walked right up to the loading area, and the worker pointed at the empty rocket and told us to choose our seats. Nearly the same thing at the Big Thunder Mountain train ride. It was great. The choking crowd of assholes at the Haunted Mansion? Nope… just a nice relaxed group of people patiently walking towards their Doom Buggies. It’s the way Disney World should be.
Of course, there were a few things we learned on our trip, similar to previous adventures:
11. Even the last weekend in September, Florida is hot.
10. “Skanky Whore” is Not a Halloween costume. It’s “Mickey’s not so scary party”, not Mickey’s Slutty Party.
9. The line to get a sandwich can be longer than the line for Space mountain.
8. The resort TV ad pitch girl, Staci, says that “in new Fantasyland you’ll experience a fantasy that will live with you forever”. Clearly Staci and I don’t have the same sort of fantasies, at all.
7. At Disney World, the concept of “bedtime” ceases to exist. Let the kids stay up all night… It’s not as if there is anyone around to hear them screaming at midnight.
6. When “drinking around the world” at Epcot, it helps to wear a shirt that says so, so everyone else knows why you are a drunken asshole.
5. See through pants with a thong – Still in style.
4. You have to watch Pluto. He can be a bit “handsy”.
3. If you’re going to be burping up your food, burping up seared mahi-mahi and an 18 year old scotch is the way to go.
2. The drink choice you make at the Coke Freestyle machine is the most important choice you will ever make, and should be carefully considered and thought out over several minutes.
1. The best place to dig in your kid’s stroller for your cell phone is in the middle of
The traffic lane while cars wait.
I tried my hand at doing my own ghost/zombie makeup. This is about halfway through. It took a LOT longer than I expected. I only had about an hour. First I had to paint liquid latex on my skin, then let it dry (what’s this burning sensation?), and then rip it up a little so it looked like rotting flesh. Then add the grey on top, and finally some black and red.
Of course, then I went out into the Florida sun in my two-layer ghost/wraith costume and promptly started sweating. So, naturally, the red, which I had globbed on sort of thick, started to melt and run out of the wounds and down my forehead. The nasty scab on my chin, which I was really proud of, then came loose and fell off. Finally sometime around 10:00 my nose piece came almost loose and hung by a flap.
So, no more zombie makeup in summer.
Although my daughter REALLY liked peeling the stuff off of me. Watching and feeling her do that was gross, like she was ripping off my face. I learned a little watching the internet. I might get to like this monster makeup stuff. It was a lot of fun, and I can imagine grossing people out in the grocery store, with some big scab or open wound on the back of my hand while I pick through the produce.
Except in Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart, being what it is, no one would probably notice.