Extortion on the playground.

My kid had a bullying problem last year. No, I’m not talking about being beaten up or shoved around, it was more psychological than that. After all, she was in the third grade.
You wouldn’t think there would be a bullying problem in the third grade, I don’t remember getting picked on until at least junior high school. Back then they ignored desperate cries for help. The kids getting picked on finally gave up, now they shoot up the place. I guess when you tell a kid to “deal with it”, they do it in their own way, huh Mr. Patrick?
Any how – there was sort of a bullying problem last year. One of the girls, we’ll call her Halley, since that’s what her parents named her, organized this “playground syndicate”. My words, not theirs. The “new girls” to the group had to do grunt work on the playground, misc. busywork crap that Halley would come up with, like going back and forth to the trash cans ten times to throw stuff away. If a kid refused, no one in the group would play with them, for fear of getting tossed out.
Since when did Biker Gangs influence playground etiquette? Or the Mob? It was the silliest thing I had ever heard of. Of course, my kid told Halley, et. al. to shove it up their collective butts. I would have loved to seen the little Twatwaffle’s face.


I’m glad to hear she wasn’t going along with the sheep, but at the same time, she was relegated to the bench writing in her notebook, because no one would play with her. My solution was to send the kid to school with a Piñata Bat to exact a little playground justice, but my wife’s cooler head prevailed.
If you’ve never seen a piñata bat, it’s a little baseball-bat shaped object, sometimes given out at ball games as a souvenir, usually made of some type of wood and about eighteen inches long, perfect for a book bag. Given my own history with assholes in higher grades, I’m quick to jump on the piñata bat as a solution to problems. My life experiences taught me two lessons: Don’t trust Anyone, and Don’t take Shit from anyone. It’s easy to take a little crap from someone, then after you get used to it, they give you more crap, and more, until you wind up their bitch, throwing their trash away the whole recess time, or carrying their drugs in your bum across the Mexican border.
So, the teachers handled the Playground Sopranos, and tried to put an end to it. Thus ended third grade. My kid came home the other day, reporting Halley is back up to her old tricks, in a different way. It seems that Halley is now accepting donations for kids to be “in the group”. Seeing as how she knows my daughter will rat her out, she leaves her alone, but one of the new kids was seen giving Halley money so that they would play with her. So we go from shunning to the classic “protection scheme”. I wonder if Halley has HBO, and gets left alone with The Sopranos and a notepad?
I wonder how long before they start making offers that others can’t refuse, except with the generous application of a Piñata Bat?



Author: theosus1

New to this...will fill this out later.

One thought on “Extortion on the playground.”

  1. Lordy, you wouldn’t think they would be such a-holes this early, but yeah, guess they are. I LIKE the Pinata bat!

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