Seeing as how this time of year, after Black Friday and “Cyber Monday” are fading into oblivion, the news must be a bit slow. Someone took the time to calculate that if you bought all the stuff in “The Twelve Days of Christmas”, it would cost over $100,000.
But to me they are making a lot of assumptions. First they assume you will be buying stuff twice. In other words, since “a partridge in a pear tree” is repeated 12 times, they are assuming you will get 12 birds and trees. Likewise since “10 Lords a Leaping” is repeated three times, you would be paying for 30 of them. Someone else wisely figured out “No wait – those are song repetitions – you don’t actually expect to get all that stuff each day?” and re-calculated it to come to around $24000.
Seeing as how expensive Christmas is over twelve days I thought I would revisit my new Cashmas song:
12 Pandora Beads for Beading
These vary a lot in their price – from a set of twelve knockoffs for $15, to $10 or more EACH if you are looking at little Eiffel Towers or Pugs. But since I can only find real “Pandora” beads for about $10 each… we’re looking at a total of $120.
11 DS Games for playing
Again – something else with a price variance. They range anywhere from $10 old games to $40 new ones. If they are new for Cashmas they will probably average high, so lets say $30 each to make the math easy. Total $330
10 MRE’s for eating
I’m going with Sure-Pak meals. You can get cheaper ones, but I’ve eaten Sure-Pak before. They come in a twelve pack, so let’s assume two were damaged or missing or were crappy ones that you wouldn’t want to eat anyway, like that “meat” patty thing. Total $110
9 Towels for bathing
Wow – I never knew. Bath towels come in all kinds. They come in lone towels, sets and cases. And again, they range from $3.99 each to $40 each (for one towel!). Since the new towels I have been buying cost about $10 each, I’ll go with the “beach safe” Nautica towels at 12.99 each. After all – it’s Cashmas! Total $117
8 Wines for drinking
This is another odd one. It turns out it’s hard to find wine on Amazon. People sell it through the Marketplace, and it may be any price. Maybe I should have said 8 wine glasses instead. So let’s just throw out a number, say $13/a bottle. Total $104
7 Kindle books for reading
Newly released novels are around $12 each, plus or minus a little. Total – $84
6 Seasons of Dexter
Easy one. Wow. Maybe people should just get Netflix for 2 months and copy the discs. Total – $126
5 Pounds of Cheese
When I’m thinking Cheese from Amazon, I’m thinking something you can’t just walk into Wal-Mart or Piggly Wiggly and pick off the shelf. So, what is delicious and hard to find and worth buying from Amazon? Sage Derby. But it comes from a reseller, so they kill you with shipping refrigerated Cheese. $70 for the 5 pound wheel. $36 for the shipping – total for this one, $106. For cheese. Southern Home shredded Mozzarella will have to do for me.
4 Stuffed Angry Birds
At an average of $8 each, this one is pretty cheap (hah!). Its also scary when typing in “an” on the search bar, that Angry Birds pops up first. Total $32
3 New Coats
If it’s Cashmas – you might as well splurge. North Face. Three coats at about $200 each totals $600. But the shipping is free, unlike that damn cheese.
2 Purple gloves
Its winter, you need to use your iPhone, but you have gloves on. Should you take off your gloves? No. Buy the tech-touch gloves with the conductive fingertip. Total $35.
1 Black Ka-Bar Machete’
You’ve already bought MRE’s, Dexter, Towels and Gloves. Might as well round off the psycho killer survivalist look and go with a big evil-looking knife. Perfect for hiking, camping, and gutting “large game”. This one is $43 (but buy fast – it goes up to $50 sometimes).
So there we have it. A traditional Christmas, $24000.
As celebrated in America – Cashmas as Provided by Amazon.Com comes to $1807. And people say you should avoid online shopping.