Once again I found myself at the home store known as Bed, Bath and Beyond. Or, as my friend once put it, Bed, Bath and Bi… because if you actually LIKE going there and you’re a man, then you have to be a little, well, off.
I go there when I have to (okay, that puts that to rest), mainly because they have Keurig cups. I’m not sure where we heard of the things, but the Keurig company makes single-serving coffee makers that use these little shot-glass sized containers of premeasured instant coffee. They also sell hot chocolate and teas of various blends, for those of us who hate coffee. Sure, I drink the odd cappuccino, but coffee? No. Keep that nasty stuff to yourself. But anyway – the teas are convenient and easy to use, plus they taste pretty good.
Of course, we’ve all suffered through buying wedding presents here too, so if you get dragged down there to buy silverware, dishes, or even towels, its okay, even if you wind up keeping the towels for yourself. Nothing sucks like buying wedding presents. Sure, registration makes it easier. If you’re like me, you buy the thing they wanted two of, and already have six of on the list. That way they can exchange it for what they really want.
Do you look cheap and go for the matching washcloths, or do you splurge and go for the set of dishes, and hope the couple doesn’t notice when you skip the reception and go straight from the service to the strip club (or bar, or beach, or home)?
The only thing worse is getting stuck buying baby shower gifts, because then you have to go to some baby outlet store, and the only people upon which that sort of torture should be forced, are the actual people who made the baby. Don’t make the rest of us pay for your carnal sins. You’re getting an Olive Garden gift card from me, because I can get that at BiLo and earn fuel points.
Women seem to be mistaken on one point. The way I understand it – your gift is your ticket to get in. You get invited to a wedding, you go, and you take a present. If you don’t go, why in Hell do people think you are still obligated to provide a gift? If I’m not going, watching the service, and getting fed, why buy a present? If that’s the case, stop calling them Wedding Invitations, and call them what they really are: Gift Requests.