Things I’ve learned from Disney World Groups on Facebook…

My wife is a Disney World Addict. So is her mother and sister. Her sister even worked there for a time (AND met her husband there, while HE was working there). I think there needs to be a diagnosis in the DSMV for some sort of Disney-induced mental illness or something. There are a ton of groups of Facebook about it. I’ve been banned from most of them.

Why, do you ask? Well there’s several reasons. A few of them ban you for no reason at all. Some of them ban you if they hear you are members of another group. Some of them ban you if you say anything negative about Disney World (mainly because they are a travel agency shell site, and they don’t want you turning people off to going). And some of them ban you for being a normal human being. For example:

“What should I do? I just got back from two weeks at Disney World. I’m so depressed, I probably won’t get to go back for a while, what should I do?”

What should you do? My Response: “Take a xanax and get over it. It’s a theme park, there’s more to life than people in costumes and fiberglass castles”. Banned. They said I ‘didn’t understand the lifestyle’

I didn’t know being a Disney Addict was a “lifestyle”. So there’s LGBT… and D (Disney?).

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Which brings me to the things I’ve learned being in several Disney Groups.

Gay Days – There’s evidently a Gay Pride festival of some sort in Orlando in June every year. When it’s over, a lot of people like to visit Disney World. They call it “Gay Days” (the people attending), and although Disney doesn’t sponsor it (if they did, they would probably charge extra and make it a party like they do at Haloween), they do make a good profit from it. People on the Disney Boards tend to get very vocal about it, on both sides. Gay Days is like abortions and guns to me. If it’s something your against, just don’t go that week. But don’t deny others their right to have fun. And what’s Disney supposed to do about it? Even if they wanted to stop it, they couldn’t… If I wanted to start a “shave your head bald and go to Disney on September 1st” group, it’s not like they are going to say “Oh it’s September first, we can’t have you guys coming in again with the bald heads… sorry you have to leave”. And for Thor’s sake don’t call any board admins “homophobic” when they speak out against Gay Days. Especially a former wrestler who spent his career rolling around on the floor grabbing other guys.

I really don’t understand the word “homophobic” and think it’s overused. If you just don’t like gay people, you’re not “homophobic”. You’re intolerant, sure, but that doesn’t make it a “phobia”. If someone points and says “don’t look now but this guy walking right behind you is GAY!”, resulting in your pissing yourself and fainting, now THAT’S being homophobic.

 

Domestic Violence Dave!

Domestic Violence Dave!

Scooters. Everyone hates scooters. Except of course, the people IN scooters. Okay, I get it, you can’t walk through the parks all day because of age or medical reasons or what have you. But it’s always a good way to start a fight. If you like adults totally spinning out of control and going back to talking like they’re in Elementary School, mention something like “Hey what’s the deal with al the fat people in scooters?” and sit back and watch the fight. The major complaint with the scooters seems to be the perception that they get to jump lines. It’s true, they do sometimes, but the widespread scooter/wheelchair abuse has been mostly stopped. Except in the bus lines. You can wait on a bus for 30 minutes in a long line, only to have a scooter granny come up at the last second with her ten family members and get in the “handicap line”. They all get on first, then the bus loads everyone who was actually in line, and there you stand, three people from the door as it drives away, leaving you in the sun for the next bus. So we drive now.

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9 out of 10 kids at Disney World is Autistic and can’t understand they have to wait in line and need instant ride access. At least, that’s what I learned from reading the Disney Boards on Facebook. Look, I’m sorry your kid has special needs, I really am. There’s no WAY I could deal with that myself. I read these horror stories about “My kid has to have Kraft Mac and Cheese every Wednesday at 6pm, and it has to be shells, not spirals or noodles, but shells” and I’m thinking, “if that was my kid and I couldn’t find shells at WalMart that week, he would just have to freak out or starve”. There but for the grace of genetics go I… But it’s always the same with these autism mommies on the boards. Any excuse to throw out “MY Kid has Autism and…” I’m just sort of tired of it. The biggest complaint seems to be that they changed the former Golden Ticket card for people with disabilities, to something a little more fair called the DAS (Disability Access Service – NOT Disney’s Autism Service) card. Basically it’s a FastPass type thing – you go to the ride, the wait is 45 minutes, they write 45 minutes on the card, and initial it, and then you go do something else. When your time has passed you go back and they dump you in the fast pass line. Simple, easy, and fair. Unless you want to complain that “MY kid doesn’t understand waiting!” Well, you know what, I took a 3 year old to Disney, SHE didn’t understand waiting either, and yelled and screamed and cried. We admitted that maybe Disney World wasn’t the place for her that year…

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If there’s dust on the baseboards, you deserve a free upgrade to Grand Floridian, and a full refund for your entire trip. Seriously, these people are among some of the greediest and most petty people on the planet. There seems to be some sort of general idea out there that Disney World must make everything magical all the time for everyone, and if they don’t then everything should be free. Hotel Rooms are the biggest complaint, it seems. “My sheets were dirty”, or “there was a wet washcloth in the bathroom”, or “there was something in the trash can with BLOOD on it!”

Okay, I get it, you’re grossed out. You know what rational, reasonable people do in these situations? They call the front desk and have housekeeping come by and fix the problem. Thats it. At the least they change the sheet or pick up the wet washcloth, at the MOST they move you next door to another room. You don’t get vacation refunds and moved to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RESORT. That’s the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. “Well I was staying in the campground and there was half a hotdog where I wanted to put my tent so I demanded an upgrade to a deluxe resort”. Seriously? You need your head examined, cheapskate.

 

Tipping. Next to scooters, tipping seems to be a HUGE deal. At least, its a way to start HUGE fights. I’ve never, in my LIFE tipped housekeeping. I’ve never heard of it. Apparently, according to these Disney Board people, if you don’t tip at least $5 a day for “mousekeeping” (yes, that’s a word) then you are a cheap ass and need to stay home. Seriously. I hate tipping. Why should i directly supplement a business’ lousy payroll practices from my own pocket? I say abolish tipping and pay people correctly. Everyone has their damn hands out all the time. People ask “do I tip the bus drivers?” and “How much do I tip the waitresses? My family’s meal was $200, $40 seems like a lot for a tip…” and “Do you tip the people that check you in?”

Look, let’s make it easy for everyone. Only tip the waitresses, and its 10-15% at a buffet, and 18-20% at a sit-down place. Just like EVERYWHERE ELSE in the country. If you have to ask, either it’s not customary, or you just want to be cheap and get out of it.

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No swearing, because everyone’s five year old is looking over their shoulder. Look, swearing happens. If you don’t want your five year old seeing an Adult word, then follow FACEBOOK’s own rules, and keep them off of it. Facebook is for 14 and older, and by the time they’re 14, they should have heard pretty much every adult word there is, unless they are home schooled, and I’m not even going to START on those people… that’s a whole new post.

And evidently, don’t say God Damn in an Adult blog post for Adults… there are some religious butters out there.

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